okay pat passed out under dana's car
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
