I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
