why didn't you poke me back
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
