So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
