You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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