So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
