I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
