Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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