i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize