They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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