ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
