You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
