Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
