Pappa wants mamma naked
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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