you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
