I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i will never coherently bang her
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
