i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
