he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
