I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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