im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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