Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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