You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
