she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
