When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
