There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
