bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
