I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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