New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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