I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
