Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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