Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
