What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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