I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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