this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
