i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
