I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
