Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
