Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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