You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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