my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
