he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
