how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
As shirtless as possible
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
