and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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