i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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