Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
