It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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