I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
