It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
