Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
