Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
