I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
