Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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