kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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